- a a r o n l j x -

Just came back from CF not long ago and it was my first time today leading the ice-breaker. I hate it, I hate to stand on the stage and have every eyes staring blankly on me. I sort of embarrassed myself today by leading a lame game called Around The World. Actually the game is pretty simple but I don’t know why I led it so badly and I know it is humiliating but who cares.

Last Friday was result day, I was unconsciously anxious. Really, I didn’t know that I was so anxious about the results until I started noticing weird side effects around my body. Amazing. Anyway I don’t know whether I did greatly or just not bad. Seriously I don’t know. My expectation was full A’s but ultimately I should Thank God and Praise Him even though it wasn’t what I expected but still it is HIS blessings and by HIS Grace. But seriously I can’t Thank God enough even though I didn’t get full A’s, I still got 4A’s and 1B+ and that is enough to sum up a GPA of 3.9. What can I ask some more?

Sometimes I can really be ungrateful and I really want to pray against this in my life so that the Holy Spirit can change me so that I will always be grateful of whatever God has given me. I know I am guilty of this, that is I didn’t really thank God in my heart for all that He has given me,

Father God please forgive me for my ungratefulness, it is really merciful of You to bless me so greatly Father God, God I really pray that Father God please change me, change my heart, change the real me that God I will always be grateful of You and rely solely on Your Grace, Your Mercy and Your Strength alone, to give You all the Glory and Praise always and forever. In Jesus Christ’s Name I pray, Amen.

Also I have been struggling really greatly in my relationship with God. I really don’t know but last Friday it was a total blow to me. Oh no, it is not because of the results, it has got to do with my struggle with one of the sin problem that I have been struggling since I received Jesus Christ into my life. The struggle I went through really prove what my relationship with God is, whether I have really known Jesus Christ. I really need to get this into my mind and heart that it is not about feelings, achievements and experiences but it is solely about faith in God’s Word and Who He Is. That is all and really all my righteous deeds are like filthy rags before God and I really am wicked sinner in dire need of God’s Grace and Mercy. I am totally awe-stricken and I have nothing to say but it is very true in Ephesians 2:8Ephesians 2:8
English: King James Version (1611) - KJV
8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:  

that we are saved solely by the Grace of God through Faith in Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God.

It is like when you have been through a loss only you know how important is that thing to you. I really want to say, in a totally emotionally-filled expression that Jesus Christ Himself is the most important of all. Nothing is greater and more important than Him. Really, there is none that compares to HIM. You can have all the wealth but without HIM in it, you are still nothing, empty and void. Totally meaningless. But you can lose everything and still be happy and complete because you have HIM because the truth is Jesus Christ is all we need, He is the Source of all and also the Reason of all. That is why the Bible in Colossians says that we are complete in Christ Jesus.

God I need You O God.. Lord Jesus Christ, I need You O God. Son of the Living God, Mighty Savior, I need You in my life forevermore O God. You know my struggles with my sin, You know my insincerity and You know all my sins O God, please Father God forgive me for all that I have done against You O God and please Father God renew me O God and draw me and bring me to Yourself forevermore and make me truly Yours forevermore O God. In Jesus Christ’s Name I pray, Amen.

It seems hard for me to get moving again after a long break. Everything seems rusty in me to start. I really need to get moving. Start studying like never before and garner as much knowledge as possible. It is always my desire to master Programming, Software Development, Data Structure and Algorithm, Mathematics and English. I need to work harder like never before. I am not that smart but whatever God has put in me, I work on it believing like the parables of talents, the one with 2 talents gains another 2 talents and it goes on iteratively. But I know it is not my type to sit down for decades researching on something. I like developing and creating. I just like to make something new out of nothing.

To end this, I need God’s Grace, God’s Mercy, God’s Unfailing Love, God’s Strength and God’s Blessings like never before.

I could remember vaguely how it was, three years ago when I first stepped into Dominic Villa for my second youth camp ( YF Camp 2006 ). Back then I was pretty naive and presumptuous. Actually that place mean quite a lot to me. It was where hearts are healed, Christ is revealed and altars are built.

The first time going there, during the altar call I cried out to the LORD that I will serve HIM all the days of my life. I will be rooted in Faith City Church and serve HIM always there. About a year later I left Faith City Church and joined City Harvest Church before finally returning to Faith City Church again one year ago. The YF Camp 2006’s theme song, You’ll be lifted up is still clear within my mind. Once in a while the song plays over and over again in my head.

My second visit there came a few months later and this time was my School’s CF camp instead. I think it was pretty a bad attempt to shove 120 people into the villa. The dorms could not accommodate that huge amount of campers so in the end the private rooms were used and I took the prayer room. That camp wasn’t that meaningful but somehow part of its messages spoke into me.

Fast forwarding ahead a few months later is my third visit there. This time was my third YF camp ( YF Camp 2007 ). As for this camp, it was pretty meaningful but sadly I left the camp still with my heart hardened. I remembered clearly at that time I was struggling badly with the resentment and bitterness that are in my heart. God convicted me and spoke to me through various sources include my Caregroup leader, Alex Choo. It was pretty bad at that time, I was struggling through, toiling through. Alex prayer for me during one of the altar calls really lifted my soul up and suddenly I decided to soften my heart but somehow I don’t know why I became hardened again.

A month later I officially left Faith City Church to join City Harvest Church only to come back to Faith City three months later when God fully convicted me. My fourth visit came about last year December when I went there for my fourth Youth Camp ( YF Camp 2008 ). This camp was awesome.

Needless to say, the altar calls were meaningful. During one of the altar calls, I was touched by God and I tear, really tear and cried. It was awesome, conviction from God. It is sometimes really sad how much I missed the point and missed God. He is so Awesome and there is none like HIM.

My fifth visit there was just a few days ago. I went there for my College’s CF planning camp. Honestly speaking, it was pretty bad. Meetings were sluggish, committees weren’t cooperative. Probably it is because we are all new. Seriously I didn’t want to be part of the committee but because God convicted me so I must be in the committee.

I want to reach out to my brethrens in my college. I want to see them repenting and turning to God. I want to see their barren lives turning into fruitful lives, impacting people wherever they are. I also want to see my life becoming more and more fruitful everyday. I really want to see hearts are healed, Christ is revealed and altars are built.