- a a r o n l j x -

You know life is like a vicious cycle, when one thing ends the other begins and it goes all over again, over and over again till the end of life. It was like moments ago I finally completed my Semester 1 finals and now it is just a few more days to the beginning of the second semester. Time flies faster than light, that’s for sure.

How have I been really spending my time over here? I would say at least in this visit, I spent more time with my family compared with the previous visits. Study wise I didn’t study much and I might as well prepare to be drained of my vitality when semester two starts. Thanks to the college, why can’t they just upload the timetable to the intranet? You know it sucks when you have a not so efficient course rep.

It’s pretty saddening that my favourite dog, Jin isn’t around anymore.. I miss his wagging tail and his cute gestures.. So the finals results will be out on Oct 17 and I can’t wait to see my results! Haha! I really wonder what I will get for my accounts, precalculus and IT. Hopefully I will pass my Accounts, I seriously don’t want to retake that paper. And, surprisingly yesterday when I tried doing my precalculus test again, listen this, I MANAGED TO DO EVERY SINGLE QUESTIONS. So what was it that prevented me from doing it the other day?

Forget about it, past is past probably it was God’s Will so that I will learn some precious lesson which is to deal with my pride and insecurities! This will give me life rather than scoring in my precalculus and continue to mess up my life. Actually to be honest, I am kind of anticipating Semester 2, first of all because there is Accounts II and I can see both the account girls. Haha.. Honestly this is why I am anticipating for the next semester.

Alright, today is Monday, I still have 3 more days to go and I really need to do some studying! But I will greatly miss my parents when I leave for KL this Friday.. Man don’t tear but then when leaving home to college will sometimes caused even the most strongest man like me to tear and the occasion I ever really tear was while I am worshipping God, suddenly His Love became so real to me, and yeah that was the only time.

How to balance the schedule? I need to spend time with God daily, with my parents and also with my books. Which receive the most priority? I don’t know.

I swear and promise, I really want God to be glorified in this, whenever I help the poor and the needy. I really want to reach out to them. I want them to be restored and delivered from their circumstance and to know the Everlasting Hope which is in Jesus Christ.

As blatant as it is, my semester break started off badly.. I’ve been unproductive lately.. Wasting this precious break which I could have use it to learn up my precalculus, integration, differentiation and pointers. I still have like another 11 days only. I need to make good use of my holidays to learn up whatever I have missed out and improve myself!

Oh yeah, recently I have been checking out about her again and yeah it is a wrong move.. After looking at a few of her photos, I started missing her again. Seriously this is stupid and childish. I should by now differentiate true love and infatuated love (which is totally childish). But who cares la.. It feels good to think about her. Haha.

But above all I know she has a faithful admirer too besides me. I guess he deserves her more than I do, first for his courage and second for his devotion to her. I am ain’t loyal though. However he kind of failed and she went along with another guy younger than her. I saw his blog and he sounded really emotional and I pray that he will have the best.

I guess that’s all for now.. I need to master my precalculus!

Lately I have been reviewing my performance for semester 1 and I realized that there were plenty of mistakes that I made. For instance, it was evident that my time management sucks looking at how I always rushed for assignments when deadline is just days away.

I think time management is something that I should work on as it really determines my performance for the next semester. Next, my studying technique is wrong too. I am right in the idea to study for the concepts and theories but I need to do the exercises and practice more often in order to hone my understanding or perfect my understanding on a particular topic.

I should have done all the given tutorials and not leave them until the tutor discuss them. There are just plenty of loop holes in me that have to be worked on in order to significantly improve my performance for next semester. For now I am just too burned out to do anything. I think above all, the most important thing that I should work on is my heart.

I can’t be driven by insecurities and pride. This is absolutely wrong and it will bring me to the wrong place even though it may look similar to my destination. Seriously I was driven by insecurities and pride for my last finals and it didn’t work quite well for me. I hate it.

I hate the insecurities and pride that are in me. I hate them and I wish that I could cast them into oblivion forever and ever. I really want to improve my mathematics but then when I think about the condition of my soul, I am utterly discouraged. I really need to rise above this situation.

Look this is a fact and truth, being good in Mathematics can never feed me. It can never give me life or perhaps it might lead me to a good job and earn good money but so what if I don’t have the real LIFE that only One Who can give. Losing my soul for fame, pride, false security is a great price to pay. Seriously.

And next, can’t I get over the fact that I am not supposed to be in a relationship now? Condition doesn’t permit and that reason is simply reasonable enough. Asked why, I would say I don’t have the most basic thing which is a good financial background. For goodness sake I can’t even support my own living, what more can I squeeze if I am in a relationship now? God knows why He said no when I asked Him over and over again. He sees better than I do and He knows better than I do and whatever thoughts that are in His Mind are for my good and benefit and His Glory.

I should learn to just trust Him and don’t care about anything else. Honestly, I am still not quite over with my messed up precalculus test. I am disappointed, discouraged, angry and bitter. I am just not happy why after I made all the effort and it didn’t turn out well. However I am reminded again, where I am coming from and where I am going to. Is my direction right after all? What is the end of all my doings? Am I really going after the ‘food’ that perish or I am running after the ‘food’ that endures to everlasting life?

The chastisement of the Lord is painful and agonizing but it brings healing and life to those who are afflicted by It.

Remedy to my errors:

1. Seek the LORD my God all day and night long.
2. Review my time management.
3. Make good use of this 2 weeks break to learn up whatever that I have not able to make it in semester 1.
4. For the subjects that I am good at, start studying the topics that I will learn in the coming semester.
5. Give up pride and insecurities. Just trust in the LORD my God for everything.
6. Sleep early.

Yeah I guess that’s all for now.. I am looking forward to see her soon. (Haha. Never learn from mistake)

Semester 1 officially ended yesterday. So how was the finals? I would say not that good. Initially, it started off pretty good but as it approaches toward the end, everything turned disappointing..

What struck me the most is I couldn’t understand why I faired so badly for my Precalculus paper. I did many careless mistake, the paper was pretty easy, I messed up in the matrix questions and I got no idea how to convert a Cartesian Circle equation to its polar alternate. It hit me badly and I was really disappointed after the paper. I mean what you expect, after all the effort I put in and this was the end result. Struck me badly.

But later I moved on knowing that all these happened within the control of my Sovereign God and He has plans for everything. Seriously I guess I need a new strategy for my study plan. The current one is not really working. Perhaps I’ll use this holidays that I have to do major catchup on my mathematic fundamentals and further improve my programming skills. I need to learn up differentiation and integration as well to prepare myself for the coming semester’s maths.

Seriously I am praying that I will pass both my Precalculus and Accounts.. I don’t want to re-sit any of those papers. It gives me nightmares. Yeah anyway speaking of Accounts, the other day before entering the exam hall, I saw the Third Accounts girl. Actually for the past weeks I have been seeing her around Prima Setapak area. Keeping my finger crossed to see her more often.

Actually I will not really say that I have put in a lot of effort, I started pretty late and there were many breaks in between during my study hours. This is one of the weakness in my current study plan. It is not structured properly. Seriously, before the holidays end, I must at least master the first chapter of the Precalculus book which is the ‘Fundamentals of Calculus" and differentiation and integration. Apart from maths, I am aiming to master pointers, structure data types and file manipulation for my programming so it would be easier for me in the next semester.

I must and I must master mathematics. I can’t slack in this subject, but I don’t want to be driven by insecurities but instead I want to be driven by Perfectionism. Mathematics and Programming are one. You can’t have one and without the other. I need both of them. I need to be good at both of them. My current strategy for studying mathematics is that I should try to understand and master the theory and concept behind every formula or equation. That strategy is right in it that we should always aim to understand the concept and theory behind every equation so that no matter how the question may twist the equation we can still solve it because we understand the basic concept and theory of it.

But my implementation is wrong. I can’t be just reading mathematics and not doing the exercise. I need to do the associated exercise till I fully understand the concept and theory behind it. I also don’t believe in memorizing steps. The core of it is to aim of understanding and speed. I need to study with the right mind and attitude and be committed in doing the exercises to train my brain to truly see it in the right perspective in order for me to fully comprehend the concept and theories behind it.

So here I come, Precalculus I am going to overcome you by the Grace and Power of God in the Name of my Sovereign God, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Two weeks later only I can see her, I am waiting..

And yes, it is only a day away from Precalculus Semester 1 Finals. The paper that I looked forward to and also dreaded the most. Honestly, yes you can look into my eyes now, I ain’t lying.. I am totally not prepared!!

For goodness sake I just don’t understand why I keep forgetting whatever I learned for the past 4 months! Just few weeks ago I was plowing through Functions and now those functions are like kind of vague in my memory.. It really gave me a shock last week when I could barely remember anything about solving Trigonometric equations. Ahh.. God help me!

Okay lets get my mind straight now, I have completed Functions, Polynomials, Vectors, Complex Number and Trigonometric. I need to pull through for Polar equations, matrices, logarithms and indices, binomial expansions, progression and conic sections. That’s like another half to scale..

Hopefully I could finish up everything by tomorrow evening. After Precalculus, I need to focus on accounts which I am totally clueless of. I shall run off now and continue my Precalculus battle..

God please help me O God. Thank You Jesus. Amen.