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I wonder though how do God use the weak and insignificant ones to shame the strong ones. Really I’m wondering. I’m currently lack of faith, if somehow God is willing, please increase my faith or strengthen it. I have been struggling through one of my greatest weakness and yeah of course I won’t mention here.

If this continues, I’m going to be subjugated by my weakness and soon I’ll backslide. I’m serious this no joke. I need to get it done as soon as possible. It’s not that I don’t want to pray but the feel just won’t come. When you are so sick of praying, how can you still pray; I feel awkward.

I’ve been dealing with this problem for quite a number of years and yes this is the reason of my downfall. Again, if those who know me, during those ‘days’, I was actually quite productive, in the sense of character and personality wise. I did well for my PMR, not ‘that’ well but it was great, I mean what do you expect for 2 1/2 days of intensive study just before PMR? Well expect more, I got 6A’s and I threw all my teachers into amazement.

The reason why I didn’t overcome my weakness is because my heart is not willing to let go of it, one moment I would say, weakness leave me, I hate you. The next minute you’ll see me begging for it to come back. I need to get my heart right and be decision strong. I can’t be fickle minded and expect God to change me.

He wants to change me but I’m not willing to do so. It’s not easy to let go of this weakness because in a way it gives me pleasure. So I have to ask myself, am I going anywhere if I continue to let this weakness to subjugate me. The thing is now God wants to change me if I’m willing to let Him take full control of my heart, not just one minute control.

God please change me and help me to overcome my weakness, thank You. Amen.

Finally, after a moment, I realised I was stupid to subjugate myself into such problems. I mean I can choose not to live this kind of life. Life is all about decisions and the decisions are in your hands. Nobody can decide for you except you yourself, this is not blasphemy against God. God gave us the decisions and the free will to choose. He gave us logic too.

This is when the logic reasoning comes into handy. God tells us that it is really up to us to live a happy life or a sad life and He tells us too that He wants us to live a happy life but He is not going to force us to live the life that He wants us to live but His going to show us why we should live a happy life and at the end of it, it is up to us to decide.

So as for now, I can choose to live the way God wants me to live. He sees my problems and desires to intervene. I have a decision here to choose. It’s either I let Him intervene and change me or I continue to live in my weakness and slowly see myself being cosumated by my own weakness.

But Praise God for showing me and prooving to me how stupid am I previously. I’m not going to live that life anymore, let no temptations seize me. I’m going to live the life that God wants me to live but first I have to let go of what I’m holding on now.

I’m letting it go and God come unto me and change me. Thank You Lord. Amen.

Awesome! Praise God. They are coming to KL this coming november. This gonna rock. Anyway I don’t it’s the main band for Hillsong United (Hillsong’s Youth Church). But anyway it’s gonna rock, so I don’t give a shit whether it’s their main band. All I know is, Hillsong United! Praise God for them!

When God’s presence comes upon you, there is the peace. Worries, anxieties, hatred, pain, fears… All gone in the name of the Lord God Jesus Christ. Everything that once tied me down were now all gone. I’m free in the name of the Lord. God is with me now, I know, thank You Lord. Maybe I should start praising God. Let the praises be sung!

Take All Of Me
I Love You
All Of My Hope Is In You
Jesus Christ Take My Life
Take All Of Me

Sanctuary
And I Worship You Lord
My Life In You Restored
Here Is My Heart
Make It Your Sanctuary
For Nobody Else But Jesus Only You

Holy Spirit
I Wanna Worship You Only
In Spirit And In Truth
Longing For Your Annointing To Fall On Me
Let It Fall From Heaven

Somehow it’s quite hard to sing. I mean very heard to focus. My mind will be drifted away. I’m always scared that I’ll sing the songs badly and that my brother or father will come and disturb. I hate it especially when my brother disturbs. It’s the time between me and God. Why can’t they leave me alone.

Sometimes while I’m just sitting down and wasting away my time, thinking about the Lord, His presence will be felt throughout my room. But sometimes I can’t help but to doubt whether it’s God’s presence or I’m just being sensitive. Well I don’t know, but sometimes I could really feel the peace that once was taken away from me.

However sometimes I kept doubting whether the Lord is real. When His presence fills my room, my body, my soul and my heart, a deep sense of inner feeling is being released. I don’t know how to describe that sort of feeling. It’s a feeling that moves my heart. Lord, I really desire for Your presence, the feeling to be filled in me again.

It’s awesome and great to rest in Your everlasting arms when things around me starts failing or when I’m doubting You again, like when my mind just can’t sit still and keep whispering to me that Lord You are fake, Jesus is fake, there is no such thing as God, I just want to rest in Your arms Lord that You may take away all these. I hate it.

I’m weared out whenever I’m going through a Spiritual storm. I really hate it. Ever since June, this has been striking me badly. I’m weared out Lord. Come take me and lead me on. I do not want to turn away from You. I want to live in Your embrace forever. I want to trust You forever.

Lord shower me with Your love. Show me Your ways, I do not desire to be led astray anymore. I had enough of the gloomy days. I want an Eternal Sunshine from You Lord. A light that shines forever, emitting bright light that not even the slightest corner could be hidden. Lord, an eternal Sunshine that emmits a warm embrace when I’m cold and a soothing breeze when I’m hot.

Lord, You said that You will never leave or forsake me no matter how I have sinned against You. Sometimes I find it hard to trust what You said. It just happens so. What is grace, Lord I don’t get it. If You don’t mind Lord, tell me. I long to know the truth of Grace. Lord, I’ve seen God’s children that can just call upon Your name so easily. They could sit down and pray for hours and not doubt you a dot.

I want to be like them. I want to be in Your love and embrace. I know You are always here and I know You are always with me. You have never left me before. Sometimes I’m too emotional that I’m blinded by my own flesh. Lord, I desire to open the eyes of my heart, the eyes of my Spirit. Lord, send me O Lord. Deliver me O Lord.

Come Lord, dwell in me. Do not allow me to be led astray anymore. Teach me Your Grace. Lord, I love You for who You are. Lord, change me, let me to be not ashamed of You. Lord I find it very emberassing to proclaim Your name and love in the public. Lord I find it emberassing to shout Your joy and sing Your praises in public. I hate it, do not let me think that way anymore. I want to be like those who really love You, they are not ashamed of You at all, I want to be like them.

I want to proclaim Your love to everyone, every soul. I want to let them know, they are not alone, they too like me have a God who loves them so much that willingly to humble Himself and became a man to die for our sins, so that we will not be punnished for our sins, for the wages of sin is eternal death. Your love for us is so great, Lord You died and suffered for my sins, so that I would not be judge for my sins and I can have Eternal Life.

Lord, was that neccessary for You ? We are so unworthy of You. You could just wiped us all out and create us from scratch again. But Lord You didn’t. You love us so much that You were unwilling to do so and instead of wiping us out, You gave us chance, Your mercy will last forevermore. You came and died for us. This love really blows my mind off. Lord never in my life, ever do I know that there’s such God that is full of love. All I know before is that God are something superior than us and He will never do such thing.

But that wasn’t the truth. There is no difference between You Lord and me. You love me so much that You didn’t mind to humble Yourself so that we can be reconsiled. Thank You Lord for everything, for the cross, for the love, for the mercy, for the blessings, for Your everlasting arms. Thank You Lord, let all the Glory and Praise sung to You. Father God, I Love You. God walk with me, in all the days of my life. Thank You Lord. Lord, Father God, God I love You.

How different was it compared to last time before I became a Christian. Outwardly not much difference but inwardly, God had completely moulded me to Christ-like. God prefers to change me from the inside out rather than what our eyes can see, because it is the mindset and heart that is important in moulding a person.

I can be hardworking and stuff, doing all housework, bootlicking my parents but what’s that all for ? To gain approval from my parents ? Was it because out of God’s love and a sincere heart that I do all those or just for a self-justification. I would say what I did before this was just plainly self-justification. Yes indeed we need to learn to sacrifice for God, to shine for Him everywhere we go.

What’s important is our hearts. I used to do all the bootlicking stuff to win approvals of my parents so that they would think Christian is good. But that’s not the point. My heart wasn’t right. It was still a selfish thought at the bottom of everything. I want my parents to know that the Church had changed me so that they too will come to church and be saved. My motive wasn’t for God, my motive was so that I won’t depart from my parents forever.

That’s actually a wrong motive, because it’s self-justification. I’m doing something not for God but for myself. One may argue that saving soul is actually doing God’s work but that’s wrong, not to say saving souls are wrong but my motives are wrong. My motives should be, I want my parents get saved is because God loves them too and God cares for every single soul and I don’t want God to be disappointed when I failed to save them and as a child and loving person, I don’t want to see my parents suffer in hell.

Again if they were not my parents, would I still shine for God in order to touch their hearts so that they get saved ? The answer most probably not. My motive wasn’t right. Many people failed to notice this critical issue. Our motive should come from a sincere heart that is, we are doing this for God, because we don’t God to be sad when He sees souls condemned in hell and we don’t want our parents to suffer in hell. This should be the right motive. A selfless motive compared to the motive of don’t want to depart from your parents.

So in conclusion, a right motive should be a selfless motive. Love is sefless. Get our hearts right before God.