- a a r o n l j x -

Some songs that I like..

True Worshippers - Shine Like Stars

True Worshippers - Kaulah Segalanya

True Worshippers - Alleluia to Christ the Lord

5 Months have just gone by like the wind without me even realizing it. Time surely flies! I was just trying to cope with life in 2008 and suddenly it’s already almost the middle of the year, soon it will be December and here we go again, it just repeats; an unending loop till the day we are called home by our Father in Heaven.

So I was browsing through my blog and realize that sometimes my thoughts can be quite boring. I also notice that my blog is very dull, hardly are there any photos or pictures in my blog. Probably it’s time to be more creative and colorful.

Anyway.. Life is still tough for me, for so many years, it hasn’t been really easy for me anyway. Frankly, sometimes I can be very envious of those people that can seem to enjoy their life day-in and day-out without any consciousness of where they are heading.. But second thought to that, the God Whom I worship is not a sadistic God. In spite of a fallen world that we live in, God is still able to bless our lives so that we can experience His goodness.

I would really want to challenge the ‘holy’ Christians in the area of this issue. Well, I admit that suffering is definitely part of a Christian’s life but I do believe that God is a Good God. He will not just allow sufferings in our lives, He allows both that through all these we would know and testified that He is God and a Good God. So sometimes if you are just jealous of other Christians (who seems not so holy to you) enjoying life, just admit it. You don’t have to go around and start bickering them, get a life.

Stop condemning people for Jesus said that He did not come into the world to condemn/judge but that the world might be saved through Him. Yes, God will condemn the sinner but He will do it on the unrepentant ones on the last day when He comes back again. It is not about judgement or condemnation now, it’s about the dispensation of God’s Great Grace. So you who are thirsty and hungry, come ye now to the Lord of Grace and drink deep from His well of mercy and be saved!

Really, sometimes we need to read the Bible as it is, believing every single dot that is in it. Not trying to have our own interpretation. Having a revelation from the Holy Spirit is not a different interpretation. The revelation of the Spirit will always agree with the Word of God. This is a fact of life indeed. So back to my point, yeah we shouldn’t judge or condemn others just because they don’t dress and behave like us.

Don’t you remember at a point of life you were just like them? You dressed like them, ate like them, behaved like them? What rights do you have to judge them for no one is righteous, no one is good except God alone is righteous and good. So let us throw away our judgmental specs and put on the specs that Jesus Himself wore which is compassion.

And don’t every forget that without Jesus, we are nothing but a sinner. There is nothing good in us except the Spirit of Christ. So whatever righteousness that you have, don’t think you are better than Hitler because without God, you are the same with him for all of us are sinners by nature destined to destruction.

But I understand where some of these people are coming at. I’ve been there myself and understand their pain and hurt. But the question is here, yes we are all sinners, you have your shortcomings and I have mine but today is the day of salvation. God is saying, for whoever that will come to Him, him He will not reject, him He will not cast out. He will sprinkle clean water on them and He will cleanse them from all their filthiness and idolatries. He will put a new heart and a new spirit within them. He will remove their heart of stone (dead heart) and give them a heart of flesh (alive heart). He will put His Spirit within them and caused them to walk in His statures and observe His judgements.

My friend, this is a true promise from God. Trust in Christ’s Naked Word and you shall be saved. Completely saved, delivered from the power of sin. No longer shall you walk in darkness but you will have the Light of Life and find Life in Jesus. No longer shall the well of your heart runs dry but it your heart shall bubble forth springs of living waters to everlasting life. No, you don’t need any signs and wonders, you don’t need any confirmation or see the Lord. Just believe and You will see. For the disciples believed that Jesus is Christ and then they saw the Glory of God’s One and Only Son.

Oh one more, don’t and never ever condemn what the Holy Spirit is doing! Yes I warn you! It is serious! He heals as He wills and if you are speaking to me face to face now, I would shout at you saying, the Holy Spirit is still working signs and wonders today! The dead is still being resurrected, the blind sees and the deaf hears! God is still in the business of healing today! I am not speaking of Benny Hinn or any other prosperity preachers, there are indeed genuine servants of God that is being greatly used by God to heal and deliver. Signs and wonders are still for today.

I have always wonder, how do we classify a Chinese? In terms of Cultural values/practice or Ethnically?

In my opinion, Chinese is not an ethnic. It is a common culture practiced in China during the dynastical ages. Moving from Beijing all the way to Guangzhou will prove that Chinese is not an ethnic. It is so diverse and different city has different common traits.

In the North, high bridged nose is common and slatted eyes is very common. They tend to have a flat and long face. Their body build is bigger and their average height can be considered as one of the tallest in East Asia, averaging around 6 ft 2". They are fair and have rosy cheeks.

 
Northern Chinese

Towards the Central Coast, low bridged nose is more common but not flat nose. They have a small but not high nose. Their faces are smaller compared to the North and South and they have a softer look. They tend to have a medium body build. They have a bigger eyes compared to the North but double eye-lids are not common. They are quite fair and most of them tend to look ‘Classy’ and ‘Noble’.

Shanghainese

Further down to the South double eye-lids becomes a norm. The people there tend to have a flat and low bridged nose. They are the smallest in size and shortest in height compared to the North and Central counterparts. Their faces are more angular and square face is quite common. Some of them tan easily but they are not naturally dark. It is a quite stereotype that the people of the South look the most pariah.

Example of typical Southern Chinese

In fact, all three regions speaks different dialects which are totally not mutually intelligible to each other. If you are pure Hokkien, it is quite impossible for you to understand Cantonese or Mandarin (consider that you were brought up with zero knowledge of Mandarin) or if you are a Hakka and it is I can say, totally impossible for you to understand Shanghainese.

Why do the dialects differ so greatly among each other? In my opinion, I believe it is all-together a different language, not a dialect. Because if you say dialect, it should be mutually intelligible like Bahasa Melayu and Indonesia or the Tokyo dialect and the Osaka dialect.

But grammatically these dialects are almost similar except for Shanghainese.

It is quite interesting to just study the anthropology of the Han Chinese. They are so diverse and different.

Just some random stuff that came across my mind..

I saw the ‘Piano’ girl last night at Church during prayer meeting. She looks slimmer.

I saw the ‘Bus’ girl this morning and she looks uglier than the last time I saw her probably because of her hair.

I promise that the next time I see the ‘Musical’ girl, I’ll talk to her.

I had a shock of my life when the ‘Baleno’ girl turned out to be much uglier than what I thought she was. I thought she was really hot and pretty. No, she is not that bad, she is just big in size.

I had another shock of my life when I found out that the other ‘Baleno’ girl smokes. No, this is not the same as the big size one. This one is prettier.

I don’t understand, why am I not getting enough of sleep? I slept early last night, before 11pm and I struggled to wake up this morning. I swear it felt like hell this morning when I dragged myself out of the bed when the alarm goes off.

Argh. Just one more week and I don’t have to wake up that early anymore but my manager asked me to extend one more week.. What should I do? I really can’t la brother. If I could I would have wrote a later date on my resignation letter. At least there is something worth celebrating today.. Finally I got my offer letter from UTAR today. Praise the Good Lord! Hallelujah..

But then due to my fickle-minded nature, I decided to pursue Civil Engineering instead. After working for some time in the Construction line I find myself severely intrigued by the technical details of the construction line. I love those machines at the site and I don’t know how to explain that sort of ecstasy I experience when my managers explain how this works and that works, and all. Pure ecstasy.

But to think about it, if I am going into this field then I think it would be good a decision to stay for one more week to further develop a good relationship with my managers so at least next time when I have completed my studies I would have a good set of referrals or probably I could work back in the same company.. But they know my bad habits too, I am lazy beyond description.. Irresponsible, procrastinator, careless and not focused.

Bottom line is today I don’t feel good. Felt like a sucky day.. No, the fear of guilt and condemnation is here again.. Unexplainable agony and spiritual struggle. Probably this is something I have to go through.. Over these years, more and more of the weaknesses are slowly being exposed one by one. I hate to know it but that is just what I am, a weakling, a fallen creature, sinned and fallen short of God’s Glory. A sinner by nature destined to destruction and hell.

But the Good News is that God in His infinite Mercies and unfailing Love extended His abundant Grace to my wicked soul and saved me. Well till this day I still don’t have that sort of assurance of my salvation. I still felt that I am not accepted by God and still felt very condemned and rejected.

Life is hard la. A huge struggle for me. So directionless, purposeless, senseless, empty..

What is life like without God? Even if I can have all the money, pleasure, comfort and fame this world can give, what is life like if I am rejected by God, if I don’t have an intimate relationship with my Savior God, what is life like? What is the meaning of life then? Even more senseless, even more empty, even more absurd than ever..

In conclusion is, I am complete in Christ Jesus alone, no I don’t need that possession, I don’t need that fame, I don’t need that pleasure and comfort, all I need is God, His Beloved Son, my Savior God, Jesus Christ. Yes all I need is Him, He is the Reason and Source for it all. There is no other Reason and Source, Jesus Christ alone is the Reason and Source for it all.

Oh, how can I translate the feeling of this agony into words for you to understand? It’s impossible. I want to love the Father yet I also love the world. Can God just rip me apart so that I would love Him and Him alone from the bottom of my heart and not a single bit of the world? Can He just nuke the big "I", the big "Self" that is in me and destroy it once and for all so Christ can rule and reign forever in me? Oh, it sucks that I am a sinner and so self-centered and selfish.

How can I be delivered from this body of death once and for all?? I want the life that Jesus can give, I want a new heart from Him. I hate myself, I hate my selfishness, my self-centeredness, my wickedness, my idolatry..

O Jesus Strike me O God. Give me a new heart and a new spirit. Give me the life that You can give O God. A life of holiness, surrender and love to You alone. A new heart and a new spirit that is purely devoted to You. O God create in me a new heart and put in me a new spirit. Jesus give me a new heart that is like Yours, a heart that is after Your Own Heart, a Heart that is Purely Devoted in Love with You forever. God put in me a new heart and a new spirit to live completely for You from the bottom of my heart. A new heart and spirit for You alone forever and ever. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I dreamed about her last night. Yes it’s her, the one I spotted two years ago in a musical drama practice. It was pretty awkward. I hate it though.

Why can’t I talk to her? It really feels weird each time when I bump into her. I can’t even mutter enough courage to greet her back. Each time it was she who greeted me first and the worst of it all is that I just merely smiled back to her and that is because I don’t dare to say Hello.

Yeah, so I dreamed about her last night. It felt good though after waking up from my dream. I can’t vividly remember the dream but it was just like suddenly I was walking with my friend along some apartments then I bumped into her. Like usual she greeted me and I was there hanging awkwardly.

But this time it is different, I managed to talk to her. We talked about cooking some dishes (too random). I can’t exactly remember the conversation but I think it is pretty long. Then halfway through it the dream vanishes into a big black void and viola it’s back again. This time I can’t remember where we are but the conversation picked up from where we dropped the last time.

Like the famous saying, good things come to an end so is my dream. After a while I was teleported back to the reality; opening my eyes I saw nothing but my empty ceiling and the rugged ceiling fan. End of the story.

I am going to be courageous. The next time I bump into her, I’ll greet her first. No, I don’t mean anything more than befriending her. I admit I used to have a crush on her but now it’s gone. I got over it.

And side note again, I find it cool to blog with Windows Live Writer. It’s much easier, faster and prettier than the normal editor that comes with WordPress.

Entahh laa. When only my university offer letter will come? Two weeks have gone-by and still there aren’t any news yet. A big struggle from within. God help me!

And those who heard about the vision that Ke Hui had last year during one of the prayer meetings is coming to past. It is getting more and more evident in my beloved formal school Christian fellowship. Something has to be done but I remember in the end the victory is still ours.

Oh my gosh, I couldn’t believe what my eyes are seeing.

What happened to you that you have ensnared yourself with such deceptions? Hello, wake up brother! Have you been reading your Bible lately or you decided that Brian McLaren is right and you are an Emergent now.

I am totally flabbergasted, yes and utterly disappointed. You used to be a guy who is very strong in the Word. I remember all those stories you told me about, how you experience the Holy Spirit during your quiet times with God.

What happened to all those? What happened? Why are you compromising? Don’t give me the new direction bull. You are deceiving yourself! Get it done, we are not people and self-pleaser, we are God-pleasers. Everything existed solely for God’s Glory. Nothing of our part.

Boy, I hope you would repent and turn to Jesus for healing. I don’t dare to say I am better than you because I know in my life I have many compromises and I am still stuck in many sins, God is still dealing with me and I pray that He will continue to deal with me and transform me to be more and more like His Son Jesus Christ for His Glory and Pleasure alone. Amen.

Please read your Bible and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit! I know understand now why it is so important that we must preach the Word of God as it is. It is serious, very serious.

Oh, I am so stunned. Speechless, filled with fear and condemnation as well. Can’t describe my feelings but I know I am a wicked sinner deserving God’s full wrath yet I still think I deserve all the good things. Oh this sucks.

God save me and vindicate me! God save him and vindicate him. Lord deliver all of us O God, Your promises are true and will come to past. Make us and cause us to be more and more like Your Son Jesus Christ for Your Glory and Pleasure alone. Holy Spirit move in us, convict our sins, change us, change our hearts, transform us o God! Save us O Lord Jesus, save our souls O God, change our hearts Lord, put in us a new heart that loves You from the bottom of our hearts and willing to go all the way for You, even sufferings and death. God save us, Jesus let your promises of our Sanctification, our new hearts given by You come to past and last for eternities! God save us O Lord, vindicate us! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Well lately I have been contemplating about the Pangkor trip issue, whether I should go..

Honestly when Alex announced it to our care group, I wasn’t really intrigued by it. First and foremost that really bored me out is when they say we are going to Pangkor Island, yes of all places, islands, hills etc., we are going Pangkor Island!

For goodness sake, that is the last place I would go, I rather we just go downtown Kuala Lumpur and enjoy the urban sceneries than going to an island like Pangkor Island! Oh yes, I’ve been there before, probably around 10 years ago when I was still a cute little innocent kid running around with my brother topless.

So honestly, there is nothing good about Pangkor Island, nothing special, I remember the last time when I visited that island, it was no different than our very own Port Klang, yes exactly like Port Klang, dirty.. There is not great sceneries over there and the sea is full of jellyfishes. I could see them swimming around while I am standing on the jetty waiting for my ferry to arrive.

Best of all, we are going to stay in a motel and there is no air-conditional, well if a room has about two or three person staying together, it will be fine if there is no air-conditional but if they are going to fit about 6 to 8 person in one room, it would be a disaster without air-conditional. They are chartering a bus there I think and I have no problem with that.

Frankly, the biggest problem I have with this trip is not really the accommodation but the people there. Yes, I’ll tell it right down I don’t speak their lingo, I don’t perceive things as they do. I don’t know but I just don’t want to go..

I would rather spend my holidays at home, it feels better.

This post makes me feel so carnal and I realize that I have not forgiven Faith City Church yet. No they didn’t abuse me or did anything to me. They are fine in fact when I was in trouble they were the guys who came for me but I got taken away over small issues that caused the big void now.

So should I go?

Side note, I seems to fail over and over again… I’m talking bad about my own church, my own leaders.. I wish that things would be easier for me..

Which should I choose, Mission field or Marketplace?

Deep in me there’s a desire to be a missionary but at the same time, deep in me also I felt a great insurgence of power to excel in the marketplace. I don’t know how to explain but it is like an uncontainable anointing inside me that is going to explode very soon.

So.. Marketplace or mission field? The decision is hard but if come to think about it, being successful in the marketplace means wealth, pleasure, fame etc., sounds so good, isn’t it? But it is a very selfish agenda. It’s all about me, myself and I. Yes I can argue that hey if I were to be successful in the marketplace, then I can use my riches to bless the missionaries, the homeless etc. etc. sounds so righteous but the matter of fact is, yeah it is a good thing to be a blessing in terms of monetary to some many parties but then like what God always say, if you can’t be faithful with little, how can you be faithful with many? I can’t remember the scripture but I know it is somewhere in the bible.

So the truth is this, can I give my all to God in terms of monetary giving? Giving without a single expectation of return. Giving in love and faith through the Grace of God. Give because I want to give and bless, I don’t mind to suffer hunger pangs in order for God to be glorified and the needy to be blessed. Can I achieve such state?

Alright, I am not dead yet. It’s been a while since the last time I updated my blog. Actually a numerous of times I wanted to update my blog but due to my procrastinations I was never able to do so. I am a procrastinator by nature.

There has been many ups and downs just over these few weeks. Last two weeks has been some sort of rough patch of life that I am going through but it is through these times I am reminded that God is faithful till the end. It’s easy to say, “oh God will see me through, His grace is sufficient” etc. etc. but then when it comes to put it in practice, I can barely even do a quarter of it.

As a Christian, nothing is more important than to have faith in God and this is an area where I am really weak at. Though at times I may sound like some super Holy Christian but the fact is I am not. I am a sinner just like everyone else, I lust like they do, I hate like they do etc. etc. I have plenty of resentments in me and I am very bitter deep within my heart.

Things like that are not pleasant when God decided to just open your heart and show it to you, the worst is, you have got no idea what to do about it, as in how to deal with it. I tried various ways and always I ended up in agony. It’s not easy to forgive even I know everyone is equally wrong and sinful.

I need directions for my life right now, should I take Software Engineering or Financial Economics? I’m afraid that I can’t cope with the immense mathematics needed in Software Engineering, it deals with various kinds of algorithms so a strong background in mathematics is required. I am not very good at mathematics either. I used to like economics a lot back when I was in form 3. I used to visit various economic websites and research on various countries’ economic situation.

So now it is the road not taken, which shall I go? TAR college is offering me Diploma in Business Economics and I am still waiting for my reply from UTAR. They promised that they will come back to me within two to three weeks time, but I am keeping my fingers crossed so that they will correspond within two weeks time, best before April 30th.

Anyway as I was compiling the progress report just now, suddenly it came to me a thought that despite my current situation, I am still a very blessed kid. Compared to those people living around my office, they recycle paper to earn a living, it really hurts my heart because they are not young. They can easily be as old as my grandfather.

Honestly, I don’t in any way see that any of my friends living in Subang Jaya can be considered as ‘poor’. Probably some of them have lesser ‘luxuries’ compared to the rest but they are no where near poor. They get to eat three meals a day and for every meal at least they would have three dishes which is already considered as a luxury. So frankly I don’t understand why some of my friends can say that they are very poor?

Seriously, I think that most of us have many things that we don’t actually need. Do we really need that LV bag? Are we more ‘valuable’ after having that LV Bag? Isn’t it the money that you use to buy the LV Bag more valuable if you spend it on a homeless dude? If you are not a celebrity, buying a LV bag won’t make you one simply because you are not.

If the residence of Subang Jaya would just cut down on their spendings for unnecessary luxuries, I guess they have enough to reach out to those who are living below the poverty line. But my niche is that I don’t quite believe in just giving them the money, these people who are living below the poverty line have severely damaged their mindset and self-esteem and in my humble opinion, the greatest gift we can give them is the Good News of Jesus Christ.

Because ultimately, wealth, health and every other things this world can offer is just a lie, a gimmick, a deception. Those things can’t give us life, only God can and Jesus can give us not only life, but abundant life, not only abundant life but ETERNAL LIFE. I’m not speaking of that when we die and ascend to Heaven, we will live there forever and ever non-stop listening to angels playing harp and worshiping God 24/7.

Eternal life is the greatest gift we can ever have from God because it is a life where there is no longer time. From my point of view, it might contain some discrepancies and unbiblical ‘theories’ but I believe eternal life is a life with God where there is no time limit, that means we don’t get old, we are forever at our best and we have all the life we need from God alone. We will worship Him day and night and that is just enough for us, it will satisfy us and give us unending pleasures.

It is a life where we live completely for God from the bottom of our hearts and we enjoy every ounce of it. It’s a win-win situation. God is glorified and pleased in the midst of us doing it and we are enjoying His presence more than ever before. Amen.